Patience

I've always been very proud of the fact that I am a patient person. I'm patient with my students, my own children, while I'm driving, at Disneyland, and just in general life and day to day activities. I have discovered that I'm not a patient person to myself. Since being diagnosed, I wanted to fight this battle. I wanted to get this "thing" over with. As soon as I was finished with my last intensive chemo treatment, a week and a half later I was back in the classroom. I wanted to prove to everyone that I fought this battle and I'm coming back stronger! What I didn't realize was that I had to nurture myself before I could begin to nurture anyone else. I thought I had to be perfect at everything and I didn't realize what a toll it took on my healing. My oncologist had ordered me to take 4 weeks off of work to allow myself to do just that. The first week I fought it. However, I was still in a bit of pain from my procedure. Last week and this week I have discovered what a blessing this is. My energy level is still extremely low, but I'm doing something that I don't think I've ever done...nothing! I still get the laundry done, do my daily yoga, read, make meals, pick up the girls from school, etc. It's been amazing to feel peace! I've actually have found joy in doing nothing. For so many months I was tired of doing nothing. I am forgiving myself and enjoying my healing process.