Raw
Thank you for the overwhelming support that so many of you have provided for me during the last 8 months. I received so many calls, texts, emails, presents, meals, flowers, and cards from so many people near and very far away! All of this is what got me through the unbearable days. You have no idea what a simple text does for someone's spirit. I've said the last few months, unless you have lived with someone who has cancer or you are the person who actually has cancer, you can't even phantom the experience. I actually hid it pretty well from my daughters. They may think cancer's a breeze?!?! I had always made sure I was up with them before school and was fully dressed by the time they came home. There were days where I knew they would be home in 5 minutes and I would have to smear myself up from bed to look presentable.
Thank you for allowing me be so raw with my thoughts and feelings. Blogging has been therapeutic. During and even after my treatment my thoughts and feelings changed daily, hourly, even minute by minute. I felt and still feel like I can't compare myself to any other person with cancer. Each diagnoses is different. Each treatment is different. The way you handle and deal with yourself is different. While I was in the chemo room, I would look around. I often found myself the youngest one-which I quite enjoyed. So even trying to find the support within the room was difficult. They weren't going home to young kids. They actually had the luxury of going home to a quiet house and getting some rest. Well, I'm not bashing my own children. But when they get home from school, it's a full time job plus some...am I right???
As I'm using the next few weeks to heal and still process everything, I've realized that I have been given a second chance to live. I wasn't diagnosed with advanced cancer. Nor was I told anything negative about my future. I was told that if I had waited just 3 more months to do something about my pain, I would have been in an advanced stage. It's an extremely fast growing cancer. Some will say that once you have cancer, you will always have cancer. Will this remain in the back of my mind the rest of my life? Probably! Will I be nervous waiting for the results of my blood work every 3 months? You bet! Will I wait on pins and needles every year when I go in for my CT scan? Absolutely! Is my treatment over? Not for another year! Even though I'm cancer free, I still have the battle wounds and wounds that need to be treated. I still have a port in my chest for the next 2 years....just in case. I still go in for my maintenance chemo every 3 months. But you know what? I'm alive!
When I was growing up, I knew I wanted to make a difference in peoples lives-and I am-little people. I continue to question my purpose for having cancer. I would like to make a difference in more people's lives.-maybe big people?! Whether it be during my summer months off of teaching or not. I don't know, but I will keep on blogging.
If you have 2 minutes, check out this video from Elizabeth. Definitely gives me something to look forward to...her future!
Comments
Post a Comment